Thursday, January 19, 2006

Family Disciplinary Protocols

New addition to the Family Disciplinary Protocols Handbook:


Protocal 12.4.88.2006
Section 23
Clause 3

The following Disciplinary Action Command is to be spoken when properly justified under the following protocol violations:

"THE ONLY REASON YOU'RE STILL CONSCIOUS IS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO CARRY YOU ! ! ! ! "


Possible Application Protocols:

1) refusal to finish dinner that has been certified to be in accordance with CTU non-toxic materials protocols

2) refusal to finish homework about proper protocols for understanding US history and religion

3) refusal to do chores as prescribe by family protocol procedures posted on the refridgerator

4) refusal to get back in the car when leaving from a vacation in order to get back to work at CTU

5) refusal to clean room in compliance with CTU standards to non-threatening material and objects to be found in home

6) refusal to be ready in time for church to listen to Rev. Jack Bauer teach about "The 7 Deadly Protocols"

7) refusal to go to school in CTU sanctioned mode of transportation, IE - dad's truck

8) refusal to go to bed at the proper time, using the proper CTU certified non-flammable PJ's

9) refusal to stop hitting/teasing/tormenting/annoying siblings and/or parents in ways out of compliance with CTU protocols

10) refusal to give dad a kiss when he comes home from work

11) refusal to consent to school protocols regarding behavior, dress, respect, and responsibilities

12) refusal to watch future episodes from Season 15 of the hit series "24"

13) refusal to turn in suspicious diaper deposits to CTU as possible terrorist threats

14) refusal to report bullies on the playground to Jack Bauer

15) refusal to flush toilets in order to dispose of toxic chemicals that could otherwise be used as a "dirty bomb"

16) refusal to brush teeth in order to be in compliance with CTU hygiene protocols

17) refusal to use deodorant when that point in life finally comes

18) refusal to employ the proper "Under Duress" code when explaining to teacher why homework was not completed in compliance with CTU protocols

19) refusal to report to "The District" when any of the above protocol violations have not be properly reported to Mr. Lyn McGill

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